The Buddamom

DECEMBER NEWSLETTER

Greetings dear friends! We are now immersed in the season of miracles. It is the season when it seems the darkest, where the plants seem bare and dead but where we know they are dormant, their sap returning to the core of the plant releasing what needs to be released and leaving only the strongest. In the middle of the cultural pull to go, do, make, it is well to remember that it is a time of inward growth and opportunity. An opportunity to count our blessings and to extend generosity, an opportunity to revisit where we came from-our families of origin, an opportunity to open to miracles. Originally I was going to write about giving and generosity. My plan was put aside when I was asked to be on a radio panel discussing teaching spirituality to children. The show will be live Sunday morning, December 14 at 9:00 AM on KISS radio Channel 98.1 FM. If you are in the Bay area please join us. This invitation got me thinking about the topic of spirituality and children so I thought I would share some of my thoughts in this December newsletter.

The first thing to clarify is, are we talking about teaching spirituality or are we talking about teaching religion? These are two very different things, although they intersect and inform one another. Religion is a cultures customs, usually related to its spiritual values. Spirituality is how we behave, how we think and how we treat one another regardless of our religion. So teaching children religion involves telling the tales, stories or parables of that culture, teaching the customs and the language of a given culture. Teaching spirituality involves teaching values like love, gratitude, joy, tolerance and ways of being in the world that create more harmony in our lives and environments. Whether we are engaged in a religious practice or not teaching spiritual values is essential to a child=s development of happiness.

While I was raising my daughter, Nicole, I was practicing Buddhism so this is the religion I know most about in relation to teaching children spirituality. I read her books about the life of the Buddha, I read her the Jataka tales-which are stories of the Buddha=s past life designed to teach values. We enjoyed the Buddha=s birthday ceremonies in the month of May at various Buddhist communities and we went on a one week family retreat with Tich Nhat Hanh. When I asked Nicole about what she remembers most in regards to her early Buddhist exposure she replied that it was the kind monks she had met, and who she still visits.

We may have different tales we tell and rites we observe but I think that teaching spirituality to children comes down to some pretty basic and common denominators. First, and most important, is what we teach by our actions, our words and the atmosphere within us. This is the single most important aspect of teaching children anything. If we are kind to the people around us our children learn to be kind. If we are clear in our thinking and listen deeply to our children they learn to be clear and listen to others. If we are unkind to them then go to church on Sunday, or go on meditation retreats, it is our unkindness which has the stronger voice.

The next most important way we teach spirituality to our children is by the tales and stories which illustrate our values. A child=s mind is magical and responds to the dreamlike nature of stories. Stories and pictures stay and work on our children=s consciousness much longer than any other words we may offer. All cultures have their tales, myths and stories that are passed down to teach their values. Some are religious and particular to the culture from which they emerge and some are simple spiritual lessons about kindness and other spiritual, unseen aspects of life. Some of the Dr. Zuess books teach valuable spiritual lessons as do many other popular children's books. Reading to our children is that direct transmission that is so valuable. We hold and love our child while we read to them and the words sink deeply into the space made by this safety and love.

Yet another way to teach spirituality to children is by interaction with a spiritual community. When Nicole was young there were no Buddhist communities around to help me raise my child. Now there are many and I see the value of things like Sunday school and other spiritual gatherings where children play and learn along with the adults. Rituals like Sabbat dinner on Fridays, thanksgiving and other events where the family and community gather around to express spiritual ideals like gratitude, generosity and abundance, can bring a sense of joy and connectedness to our children.

We find ways during our everyday activities to answer our children's questions about life in the best way we can. When my daughter was exposed to the idea of God from a woman her father was living with she wanted to talk with me about God. I regret that at the time I had no relationship to that term and was unable to foster a deeper spiritual connection to source within her. I have since thought, read and experienced much about Divinity and am finally about to address that question but the moment has passed. It is well to take the time and think about the idea of God even if we are Buddhist or feel like it is an alien concept to us. We live in a culture in which spirituality is interweaved with the idea of God and our children will become exposed to this idea sooner or later. The question, AWhat is God@ is a rich and lively inquiry and has deepened my spiritual understanding. Sometimes it helps to substitute the word God for something like Spirit, Divinity, Boddhicitta or anything else since the word God has been so abused.

Bottom line, our children learn spirituality from who we are. They can learn ideas and practices from others but we give them their first taste of what it is to be a human being by the essence we exude. The best thing we can do for our children is polish our own mirror and remember to express love day in and day out.