Buddamom.com September
Newsletter...
Today is the last day of my northwest tour. I'm sitting perched atop the
beautiful blue ocean inlets and pointy pines of Orcas Island in the San Juan
chain. The sun is bright, the air is clear and there is a slight cool breeze.
A truly heavenly, nurturing ending to a time of deep psychic stretching . It's
been an amazing two weeks. Lots of traveling, health challenges, wonderful
people and their animal friends, new communities to share with at each stop
and many thought provoking questions. Isn't it funny how a lesson sometimes
comes in a variety of forms in a short period of time? For me, this months
lesson has been about fatherhood. It began with watching Oprah. In the show
children whose DNA fathers had been sperm donors felt an urging to find their
fathers. When they did find them they felt like they had also found a missing
part of themselves.
At one of my workshops I set up a chart. One side said "receptive" the other
"directive". I was teaching about the different forms spiritual practice
takes. The receptive form is meditation, just being, the feminine aspect and
the directive form is prayer, creative and doing, the masculine aspect.
Somebody thought nurturance should be on the feminine receptive side. We all
stopped to think about that for a bit. There were more qualities called out
for the different sides and I noticed that there was some hostility towards
the directive side and the assumption that the feminine aspect was somehow
better and more spiritual. I shared that both sides are important and that one
side is not better than the other.
One question I kept getting at book talks was some variation of, "What about
Buddha Dad? When are you going to write that?" I told them that I have never
been a dad so they, if they were dads, would have to pick up the ball on that
one. One night, while staying with beloved family friends in Vancouver, I came
home from a workshop I had been leading. The 13 year old son was waiting up
for me. I said hello and he asked about the workshop. I said it went fine,
amazed that this boy was interested in what this visitor to his house was
doing. He asked how many people showed up with a true concern for the success
of the event. I was deeply moved by his care and concern. I felt so taken care
of. This young man showed me one of the best qualities of a man, a protector.
I was amazed that so young a man could be so manly, so in touch with his
natural protective instincts. The next day I drove to Bellingham, Washington
and stayed with a friend who lives on a pond. We sat on her deck and watched
the birds. My friend said, "Look at the geese at the other end of the pond.
See how the father stands on a higher ground than the rest of the family to
look out for danger." I remembered my 13 year old friend in Vancouver.
That night there was a great showing at the Village Bookstore. After the talk
there was a lively discussion. About halfway into it someone asked about
fathers. Primed by the discussion about receptive/feminine energy and
directive/masculine energy, by my 13 year old friend who was so lovingly
protective of me and by watching the goose father put himself forward to
protect his family I was primed for that question.
A father, in whatever form he comes in, is an important and necessary part of
a child's growth and development. I have noticed a tendency to minimize the
importance of dads. I think that because the minimizing of women which has
gone on for such a long time, coupled with the new immergence of feminine
power in the world, sometimes men have been the targets of anger towards
excesses such as war and insensitivity. The Buddha taught the middle way. The
middle way includes walking the line down the middle of the receptive/feminine
and directive/masculine in our psyches and in our lives. One form of energy
without the other creates imbalance. Both forms of energy are, at their core,
Divine aspects. My daughter, Nicole, did not have a strong father presence in
her life so we supplemented it with a grandfather and uncles. However we
create the situation it is well for mothers to nurture a strong, positive
relationship with the child's father or a father stand-in. I, and many other
single mothers, also worked hard to create the protection and stability a
child needs by stretching my own masculine energy. I am deeply impressed,
deeply moved by mature male energy. It is a blessing in the world whether it
comes in the form of the fireman willing to put his life at risk in order to
protect those around him, even strangers, or the father who tucks the child in
bed and goes downstairs to lock down the house. God bless fathers, whatever
form they come in.
Jacqueline
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