Buddamom.com November
Newsletter...
NOVEMBER NEWSLETTER #2
When I sat down to meditate this morning I had difficulty concentrating. I had
been practicing meditation on the in and out of the breath while sitting in
emptiness but this morning the emptiness was filled with disturbing thoughts
and feelings. I had been feeling irritable all week. After extending a couple
thanksgiving invitations I learned through the grapevine that a certain family
member would not be coming. When I called and asked why he had not told me
directly he said he thought he had. My friends indirect communication
triggered old feelings of invisibility I had while growing up.
When I shared these thoughts with a friend she asked me how I could spend time
on thoughts like this when there were people who were loosing their homes by
fire, people dying in Iraq and starving in Africa. My friend thought that I
was being petty. I thought long and hard about this because there is a certain
amount of truth in this sentiment. Yet it is my belief that we heal this
planet from the inside out. The healing movement is like a spiral. Each time
we revisit an old wound we are a bit less reactive, a bit more healed-if we
have been doing our healing work. The healing work is simply looking at the
pain from an expansive, non-judgmental perspective and allowing it to dissolve
into nothingness. This is where daily practice comes in so handy.
Sometimes it is hard to tell big from small on the healing journey. Sometimes
small things trigger big healings. Pema Chodren wrote, What you do for
yourself-any gesture of kindness, any gesture of gentleness, any gesture of
honesty and clear seeing toward yourself-will affect how you experience your
world. In fact, it will transform how you experience the world. What you do
for yourself, you're doing for others. The feelings triggered by our families
are the true gold of transformation. Anias Nin wrote, AI know why families
were created, with all their imperfections. They humanize you. What may look
like a petty complaint on my part can also be an opportunity to move even
deeper into healing myself and therefore the planet.
Sitting in the middle of this uncomfortable feeling I knew that, at this time,
the upset was stronger than the silence and that I needed to be more directive
in my meditation. I have been reading a number of books by the Dalai Lama and
was struck by his deep level of compassion. I decided to practice a meditation
I've worked out for my Abringing Divinity home workshop. In breathing in I'm
aware of the in breath, breathing out I'm aware of the out breath then saying
Alive is in my body, in, out, love is in my mind. In, out, love is all around.
Since I was to steeped in upset to feel love without the help of an example I
pictured my body as the Dalai Lama's body-perfectly still and peaceful. I
pictured my mind as the Dalai Lama's mind-open, pliable, accepting. I pictured
looking out at the world through the Dalai Lama's eyes and I saw the love that
is underneath all the fear. Picturing myself as the Dalai Lama really helped
me get a feeling of love that was deep and tangible. As the half hour went on
I was able to leave the Dalai Lama behind and really feel love in my body,
mind and atmosphere. My body settled into a relaxed, open receptive place. My
mind became soft and gentle, the way a child becomes when it is resting in the
loving arms of its parent. I took that same meditation out into my walk and
began feeling really joyful. It was amazing how, only one hour earlier, I was
saturated in pain and irritability and now I was feeling light and open and
even joyful. This is the power of a spiritual practice!
The holidays are powerful times. If we have any unhealed wounds this is the
time they are most likely to appear. It is a time when our culture stresses
family togetherness. If we have a kind loving family it is a wonderful time.
If we have wounds and hurt deep inside it can be a challenging time. If you
are in the group that had a kind loving family and the holidays are a time to
celebrate this you can be role models for those of us who, like myself, still
have wounds to heal. You can be our Dalai Lama's of Christmas, Hanukkah and
Thanksgiving! Those of us who have wounds need to face those wounds squarely
in order to heal them. We are not going to change our relatives, they are on
their own journeys of enlightenment. The only thing that we have the power to
change is our own consciousness. This is well worth doing, not just so that we
can make it through the holidays but to cleanse ourselves of wounds that have
unconsciously been getting in the way of truly happy, joyful living. We create
more openness and joy in the world through our own openness and joy. My friend
fortified himself with his spiritual practice before calling his mother and
when she went into her usual judgments he watched it happen and, instead of
criticizing her, said You funny bunny. A little humor and silliness can go a
long way!
These dark, cold days that are coming are times of magic and transformation.
It's not that the icicle turns from wet and cold to warm and dry it's that we
embrace, with love, it's wet, cold nature. Things are as they are. This is a
time to increase our meditation practice. It is our ballast and as the seas
get choppy we need to hold tighter to that glimpse of goodness at the heart of
all things.
Now that I am on the other side of this upset my heart is open and I am
feeling deep gratitude for this wondrous opportunity to experience being
human. I'm looking forward to spending time in the kitchen cooking for the
friends and relatives I love so much, I'm looking forward to coming home from
work, lighting a fire and appreciating the temple roof over my head. I am
grateful for the seasons, for my senses and for this opportunity to grow with
you.
Jacqueline
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